


If You Knew (That I Love You)

by regardinglove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Break Up, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 13:25:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4788884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regardinglove/pseuds/regardinglove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas always has been Dean’s best friend, but now Dean wants to take it to the next level. Problem is, Dean’s got no idea on how to tell his best friend that he’s been in love with him for years, and Cas keeps getting his heart broken. Can Dean finally tell Cas about his true feelings, or will they forever be in relationship chicken?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Knew (That I Love You)

People deal with breakups in different ways. Some like to wallow in their own self pity before they pull themselves up again and get back out there. Others enjoy drinking away their sorrows while listening to weepy breakup songs. Dean, in particular, enjoys pounding a few beers and then going down to the Roadhouse to complain about his ex.

For Cas, breakups include bingeing Food Network shows for days on end while eating ice cream.

“You can’t just throw the arugula on top as a garnish! The judges will eat you alive!” Cas yells at the television as Dean walks through the door. “I can cook a better chicken dish than that!”

Dean runs a hand over his face and sighs to himself. If Cas is watching _Chopped_ again, that can only mean one thing.

“Don’t tell me that Meg broke up with you,” Dean says out of courtesy, but the large gallon of ice cream sitting next to Cas speaks for itself.

Cas reaches for the remote and turns down the TV. “She said that she met someone else and that I was only going to hold her back,” he mutters, and then reaches for the bowl next to him. “It’s like our three months together meant nothing.”

Dean tries to conceal his grin, but he really can’t. He’d been waiting for Meg and Cas to break up in their own time, and never did Dean really believe that they could last. Meg is a troublemaker with a penchant for cigarettes and hard whiskey, while Cas runs a ‘save the bees’ group and works in a coffee shop. Sure, opposites attract and all that, but there is such a thing as too opposite. They were doomed from the start, but there is no way that Dean will ever tell Cas that.

“Sorry, Cas,” is Dean’s only response, and Cas just throws him a glare and a pout.

“You don’t need to lie to me. I know that you didn’t like her.”

“She wasn’t good for you, Cas!” Dean says while he tosses up his hands. “Hell, the girl tried to convince you that breaking and entering into that abandoned liquor store was a good idea, and you almost went along with it!”

Cas puts down the bowl, crosses his arms over his chest, and sniffs. “The heart wants what the heart wants.”

“Oh yeah? And what does your heart want, Cas? A girl with three felonies on her record who left you for another guy?”

His friend goes quiet next to him, and even Dean realizes that he’s being a bit of a dick. “Look, I just want you to be with the right person, that’s all.”

Cas looks up at him and winks. “Then who do you think is the right person for me, Dean?”

Dean knows that this could be the perfect opportunity to admit the truth to Cas. He could just begin singing that Taylor Swift song that Sammy is always playing on repeat. He could just come out and say “I think you belong with me, Cas, because I’ve loved you since freshman year of high school,” but he doesn’t. Instead, Dean lets out a sigh and walks over to the couch. He plops down next to his roommate and grabs the remote from the table, turning on the volume again to full blast. “So, what’s the problem here?”

Cas smiles at Dean, clearly glad that he’s not pushing the subject of the breakup further. “Okay, so Chef Arnold just tossed the arugula on as a garnish like an imbecile! Now watch as Alex tears him a new one…”

Dean tries to pay attention to the rest of the episode, but all he can do is keep sneaking glances over at Cas. The way his face comes alive as he points out the errors of the dishes, the redness that comes to his cheeks when he gets angry with a judge, it is so damn beautiful that it is the only thing Dean is interested in. And when the final dessert round comes on and Cas leans forward in anticipation, Dean has to resist the urge to brush the stray piece of hair that has fallen in front of his eyes.

_When did Cas become more interesting than anything else in the room?_

“Yes!” Cas calls out with a fist pump when his favorite chef is crowned Chopped Champion. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

Dean grins along with Cas, and then gets up from the couch. “I need to get going to work, but you just keep wallowing your sorrows in _Chopped_ reruns.”

Cas looks up at him sheepishly and curls his arms around the tub of ice cream. “ _Iron Chef America_ is up next. Meg loves it.”

Dean takes a look at Cas’s disheveled form, walks over to the wall of DVDs, and pulls out their copy of _Enchanted_. “Watch this when I’m gone,” he instructs as he tosses it over to Cas. “Meg loathed it and I know it’s your favorite. Watch it out of spite and know that she’s probably cringing somewhere with the memory of you singing ‘That’s How You Know.’ Win-win scenario in my book.”

Cas’s eyes light up when he catches the DVD and Dean almost blurts out that he loves him right there, but he refrains.

“Thanks, Dean,” Cas replies with a brilliant grin.

“Uh, yeah! Uh, no problem, Cas,” Dean stammers as he runs fingers through his hair, and then stumbles out the door before he can turn to mush in front of his best friend.

 _If you knew that I love you, maybe we wouldn’t be here_ , Dean thinks, but he pushes the thought off as he trudges to the elevator.

He’ll tell Cas one day. He will.

* * *

It’s a few days before Christmas when Dean finds Cas curled up with a gallon of Breyers and _Cupcake Wars_ on the television. He walks through the door just as Cas begins on a tirade, yelling, “You’re using too much frosting on that cupcake, _Irina!_ ” and “Those decorations are terrible! My cat could do better!”

Dean considers walking right back out that door, because surely he doesn’t want to hear about the heartbreaking tale of Cas’s newest breakup, but his friend catches his eye and immediately begins crying.

“Balthazar is moving back to England and he doesn’t want to do a long distance relationship!” Cas gets out between the tears. He curls his fingers into the blanket on his lap and brings it up to wipe his nose on.

Dean tries to not be grossed out by that and makes the familiar trek over to Cas’s side. “Buddy, Balthazar is an idiot for letting you go.”

“He was the only one for me,” Cas mutters into the blanket, then turns his face towards Dean. “Will I ever find someone, Dean?”

For the second time in the past few months, Dean opens his mouth with full intention of admitting his love to Cas. However, just like before, he finds the words unable to be spoken. He tells himself that it just isn’t the right time, that Cas is too vulnerable right now, but he knows it’s all bullshit. He’s not telling Cas because he’s afraid of getting rejected, afraid of Cas telling him to go away and never come back.

He’s terrified of losing his best friend because of unrequited love.

So instead of letting those three famous words leave his lips, Dean pulls Cas into his arms and crumbles into the embrace. Cas lets the tears flow as they watch the ending to _Cupcake Wars_ (Irina wins and Cas thinks it’s dumb that she won over Rochelle), while Dean rubs little (totally platonic) circles into the back of Cas’s hand. And when another episode comes on, neither of them try to move.

That night when Cas wipes away the puffiness from his eyes and heads out to Angel Brew for work, Dean wonders what would be different between them if Cas was aware of his feelings. Would he return them? Could they be giving one another a kiss goodbye right now instead of just waving from across the room?

 _If you knew that I love you, maybe we wouldn’t be here,_ Dean thinks.

* * *

A few months go by before Cas begins dating again. The breakup with Balthazar shook his confidence more than Dean really could comprehend, and it ends up being a blind date that gets Cas back on his feet.

(And Dean totally isn’t jealous the night Cas goes out with a girl named Daphne, and he certainly isn’t bitter the next day when Cas comes back with hickies on his neck.)

They end up dating for four months, but it comes to a close when Daphne admits that she’d rather pursue her longtime dream of joining the Convent than pursue Cas. Dean finds his friend on the couch that night with a new flavor from Ben and Jerry’s, yelling at Bobby Flay’s choice to grill a piece of tilapia instead of baking it.

The fling Cas finds with April is over almost as soon as it starts. Their week in paradise falls apart quickly when April dumps him for a guy she met at a bar, and when Cas comes home that night Dean’s already got a pint of Oberweis chocolate and three pre-recorded episodes of _Guy’s Grocery Games_ ready.

Ion, Hannah, and a one night stand named Trish come through Cas’s life, and Dean is there to pick up the pieces after each breakup. He wishes that Cas wouldn’t invest so much of himself into these ‘doomed from the get-go’ relationships. Every time Cas comes back to the apartment after another nasty breakup, Dean’s own heart breaks to see the one he loves downcast and crying over people who left him for others, or a career, or in Ion’s case, the freaking moon.

(No, really. He’s an astronaut and was assigned on a year long excursion. Dean’s got no clue how Cas met the guy in the first place.)

He’s always there though with episodes of Cas’s favorite shows and loads of ice cream when they leave. He’s always there to wipe away the tears and tell Cas that someone will appreciate him for what he’s worth one day.

And yet, Dean cannot get himself to tell Cas that if he wanted him, Dean could be the one who’d look out for him, would love him through thick and thin. That lingering fear of rejection always is looming, and Dean wishes that it would just subside for this one instance.

Luckily for Dean, one day it does.

Dean’s lounging on the couch watching an episode of _Top Gear_ when the door opens. Cas trudges in from the bitter winter cold...with a new shiner on his eye.

“Dude, what happened?” Dean asks as he pauses the TV.

Cas peels off the layers he’s wearing until he’s down to a green t-shirt and his jeans. “Crowley and I broke up,” he replies coldly, “and it didn’t end well.”

“No shit!” Dean practically yells as he gets up from the couch. “What’s with the eye?”

Cas looks at the ground and toes the carpet. “I was the one who broke up with him and he didn’t like that. Said that I owed him, that he was going to track me down and make me pay. Then he let a fist fly.”

Dean’s gut churns as the image of Crowley’s fist reeling back and hitting Cas in the face comes to him.

“I’m going to punch the crap out of him,” Dean reels as he swipes a thumb over Cas’s bruised eye. “Are you gonna push assault charges at least?”

“It’s not worth it,” Cas mutters. “I probably deserved it anyway.”

Dean can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Of course you’d think that. Typical,” Dean mutters under his breath.

Cas’s gaze snaps up to his. “Excuse me?”

“You’re always choosing the wrong people!” Dean says loudly. He paces back and forth between the door and the living room. “Even back when we were in college, you always dated the wrong people.”

“The wrong people? Really? Then who is the right person, Dean? Tell me, because I’d love to meet them and get past this kissing frogs stage,” Cas replies as he backs Dean into a wall. “Tell me, Dean? Who do I belong with?”

“Me!” Dean yells, the breath whooshing out of him as the words are finally said. “I love you and I think you belong with me, Cas.”

A deafening quiet fills the room, and Dean’s heart is hammering in his chest. Cas isn’t saying anything, but is just gazing at him with this...awestruck expression on his face.

“You need to go and say somethin’, Cas, because I’m-”

He doesn’t get to finish before Cas lunges forward and leaves a long, languid kiss on Dean’s lips. It’s filled with a fire that Dean didn’t know Cas even had, one that fills his being and runs through his veins. He responds by bringing his fingers up to Cas’s hair, parts them through the dark locks, and pushes harder into Cas’s embrace. And when they break apart with gasping breaths, Dean can feel the pink rise to his cheeks.

“I’ve loved you for years,” Cas whispers, and then intertwines his fingers with Dean’s. “I just never thought that you’d return the feelings.”

Dean groans. “Are you saying that we could’ve been together this entire time if we just spoke up? We’re just a couple of dumbasses.”

Cas laughs. “I prefer couple. Less dumb, less ass.”

Dean lets a giggle bubble to his lips, and then he brings his eyes up to Cas again. “You love me and I love you? This, us, we, are on the same page?”

Cas responds by leaving another kiss on Dean’s lips. “Yes, Winchester. It looks like it.”

Dean can’t contain the overwhelming love he feels radiating from him. His grin is glowing and he knows that he won’t be letting go of Cas anytime soon. “Want our first date to be watching an episode of _Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dive_ s?”

Cas releases his palms and walks over to the freezer. He pulls out a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and grabs two spoons from the drawer. “Of course. About time this tradition got a new meaning.”

The two of them then find themselves curled up on the couch for the rest of the night. Dean leaves kisses on Cas’s hair between commercial breaks, and Cas leans back to peck one on Dean’s jaw when he complains about Guy’s abysmal taste in Kansas diners. And when the two of them go to bed that night, it is wrapped up together in Dean’s bed instead of their separate rooms.

Dean couldn't be any happier. 

_You know that I love you, and everything is fine._


End file.
